Baby Food

Dear Baby,

Can you believe there is even such a thing.  Breastfeeding is tbe best thing that any mother can do for their child.

I have to say, I wasn't breast fed, but your father was.  I can't remember my mother's reasons, but they're probably not that good.

I make a pledge, that no matter how difficult it seems, I will breast feed you for the year that is recommended.  It'll make you smater, stronger, and best of all, it's completely free.

What could be better than that.

Love,

Dear Mama

Age is a Bitch

Dear Baby,

I never thought of my fertility until these last couple months of trying.  I have moved (more or less) blissfully through my life not thinking about children, and really thinking about how not to have children.

There are so many women who have spent much of their life imagining their children, and naming their children, and preparing for their children.  Up until July or so, the thought of a child was never more than fleeting.

That's not to say we aren't looking forward to your arrival.  We are.  It's just that I look forward to you being a nice addition to our family, but certainly not the center of it.  As a friend said to me recently, it's a more French way of raising children.

Love,

Dear Mama

BFN

Dear Baby,

I discovered a new site yesterday, twoweekwait.com.  It's a supportive community for those of us trying, and waiting, and trying.

But mostly for the waiting.  Today, I took at test and it was negative.  Fortunately, I'd prepared myself for the let down.

Another month down.  Another month of trying.

Love,

Dear Mama

TTC Lingo

Dear Baby,

In my 'spare' time I've been visiting community boards populated by women trying to conceive babies like you.

It's like stepping into a whole new world. TTC - Trying to Conceive. AF - Period, BFP/N - a positive or negative pregnancy test. BD - Sex.

There are about a million others, but who can keep up?

It's the best way not to feel alone.

Love,
Dear Mama

The Wait

Dear Baby,

Waiting is the worst.  Though we've only been trying for two months, the second half of the month is hard.  Is that PMS or pregnancy?  Are those cramps or the uterus preparing for your stay?

Can I drink?  Any caffeine?

Some women swear they know the minute they conceive.  Other women can't tell for several months.

This month, I think we created you -- but that could just be wishful thinking.

We'll know in a week.  But the wait is killing me.

Love,
Dear Mama

Your Room

Dear Baby,

In our house, there's only one bedroom that's unoccupied. It's the small fourth bedroom in the northeast corner of the house. Last month, we painted it a neutral, but sunny yellow in hopes of your arrival.

Your father and I have mixed feelings about the room. I think it's a little small. But, he insists, you would be small for quite some time. And that's completely true.

He said, as a kid, he would have been grateful for his own room that comes with a private bathroom. He's got a point. We both grew up in much smaller places - he shared a room, I didn't really have a room of my own with a door until I was 10.

We hope you like it.

Love,
Dear Mama

Consumption Conundrum

Dear Baby,

I'm reading Not Buying It by Judith Levine and thinking a lot about consumption.  Your father and I have gotten into the habit of not consuming after years of forced deprivation.

Well before you got here - we were up to our ears in student loans.  It took us twelve long years to pay them back.  In the meantime, we learned much about what we wanted versus what we needed.

When we didn't have much disposable income, we thought long and hard about what we desired.

The so-called modern world is filled with marketing, and shopping, and endless gadgets you have no need for.  We hope you grow to appreciate the difference between want and need.  We will do our best to provide you what you need.

Love,

Dear Mama

The C Section

Dear Baby,

I don't have a contemporary who's had their baby naturally - through vaginal birth. Even though Cesarean section is supposed to be a last ditch method - doctors have dozens of excuses for pushing it on their patients: Labor's too long, cervix is not dilating, mother is too old, mother is too young, mother is too big, mother is too small.

It's endless. The only person who wins are doctors and insurance companies.

It's very sad. Our plan, dear baby, is for you to come to the world in the natural way - and probably at home. Hospitals are for sick people. And you're not sick.

Love,
Dear Mama

Racism Emerges

Dear Baby,

It's been a hard last few days. The GOP (Grand Old Party) has been hijacked by extremists and their unforgivable behavior has left your father speechless. From Pat Buchanan's Whitey essay to e-mails circulating with fried chicken and welfare checks and watermelon demonizing Senator Barack Obama.

He had been very hopeful about the world that you will come to inhabit, but these signs worry him deeply. For years, I think, he liked to believe that this egregious behavior was limited to a few actors, but the number who perpetuate these attacks grows and grows.

Undoubtedly, the rhetoric will simmer down after the election, but his worry for your life in this world may not.

Love,
Dear Mama

A Biracial President?

Dear Baby,

Your father decided we could bring you to our family if Barack Obama was elected president of the United States of America. Only then would he dare to believe that a child like you could aspire and achieve an American dream.

Almost two years ago, an Illinois senator whose mother was white and whose father was African, decided to run for president. He branded himself a new kind of politician and ran on a platform of hope and change for our nation.

The Clinton dynasty counted him out. Many Americans counted him out. Poised, as we are, on the brink of election day, it looks like he may win enough states to become the next president. If Americans can overcome their racism enough to elect this man president, then your father believes all hope is not lost.

We'll see.

Love,
Dear Mama

Performance Anxiety

Dear Baby,

Daddy has performance anxiety. After more than a dozen years of him chasing me around the house - he's lost interest in sex.

Even though he swears it's not true, it's hard not to think he's lost interest in me after all these years. I'm starting to think that we waited too long to consider bringing you to our family.

So until your dad can get it together, I'm going to use this time to improve my health and prepare to be a better host and mother for you.

Love,
Dear Mama

The Circle of Life

Dear Baby,

My grandmother is 88 years old. I'm worried that you'll never meet her. When she called me last week, it was one o'clock in the afternoon before she was dressed and ready to greet her day. Yesterday she sounded sad and defeated.

She has been one of the greatest influences in my life and I fear that you will never meet her or know her. Gram cared for me when I was little. I never had a babysitter or nanny - I just had her. Her life story is compelling and I hope that she can describe life as a sharecropper in Mississippi, her family's migration to New York, and what it was like working at GE during WWII.

I know how the circle of life works. People are born and people die, but it doesn't make me want you here any less or not want her to stay around much longer.

Love,
Dear Mama

Baby Names

Dear Baby,

I imagine most parents wait until there is a baby on the way to think of names. Your father and I had the discussion a few days ago, well before you'd been created.

If you're a girl, I want to name you Julia, Samantha, or Gabriella. If you're a boy, your name would be Samuel Cobb after your great-great-grandfather or Gabriel. For me it was a quick decision. I wanted a sense of history and family in a name - even if it did - in combination with your father's last name, sound very Jewish.

Your father has other ideas. Who knew? He recently read Roots and in many West African tribes it is tradition for the father to meditate on names for seven days after a baby's birth, then name the child in a baby naming ceremony. I think this part was the opening for the television version of Roots.

To be honest, I don't think he gets a vote, but I may relent. If you're a girl and you're named Maya, or you're a boy named Baruch then you know who won.

Love,
Dear Mama

Life without Birth Control

Dear Baby,

Making babies is hard work. You'd be surprised. I think your father is freaked out by the whole thing.

You have to understand, we came of age in a time where birth control was one of the most important aspects of our lives. AIDS, sexually transmitted diseases, and pregnancy were a trio of outcomes we wanted to divorce from sex.

On September 20, 2008 your father and I had sex for the first time without a condom. For him at 37 and me at 36, this was the first time we had ever done it. It was both an awesome and terrifying experience. It was awesome in the sense that we knew we could have created you or a brother or sister of you. It was also terrifying because nothing in our lives prepared us for the overwhelming responsibility of parenting and shepherding you into the world.

Obviously you were not conceived back then, so we keep trying - but each time is still as awesome and terrifying as that first time.

Love,
Dear Mama

Dear Baby

Dear Baby,

A few months ago your father and I started talking about having you join our family. Your father read a book, Shadows of our Forgotten Ancestors and her started thinking about you. I was not an immediate convert.

Your father and I have been married for eleven years and we've built a life that's just the two of us, and three cats, and two dogs. For a long time, I couldn't imagine how you would fit in.

In January, though, we finally paid off our loans and you became more reality than idea. We thought about trying to make you in Portugal on our vacation, but I wasn't ready.

Now, we're both in the same place and we're ready for you to join us on this improbably journey called life.

Love,
Dear Mama